some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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