Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
