Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i now understand why vodka
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
