I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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