Need sex. Gaining weight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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