I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize