Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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