What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
