"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
