It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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