found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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