Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
