Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
