I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
