I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
