So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
