cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
