Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
