this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
