Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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