Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
