Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
