This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
