I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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