I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
