I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
