I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
