I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize