we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
