This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
