dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
