playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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