I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
