thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
