We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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