Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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