Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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