funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
