So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
