Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
