I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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