at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
