I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
