I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
