Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
