are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
