I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
