This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
