You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
