oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
