You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
