shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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