Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
