Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
