Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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