Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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