Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
