sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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