You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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