I am in a vortex of obligation.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
