Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize