I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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