I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
