brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
