After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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